This blog is basically about nothing. So stop reading this if you are easily bored, pregnant, impotent, or have issues with sanity. Also stop reading if you are easily offended by naughty words, reality t.v. bashing and porn, oh also swears against certain deities .
Hello all. I'm fricken bored and I haven't written anything in ages. Well anything good.
Sure we are our own worst critic, but fuck, I hate myself, so naturally anything I write down or say is completely irrelevant and sucks more than a Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton combined.
Yes, I am stuck, in a rut, again. Muses are cunts. And I don't know if mine is male, female or alien. But what I do know is he/she/it hates me as much as I do.
I have no natural talents besides inserting a dick joke into any conversation, and well...just inappropriate things in general. And I have been trying to be good ever since I had kids and I have filtered myself a lot. So much so I'm at the point that I'm so blocked up I'm gonna need an enema from a rhino to complete a thought.
And this group has gone to shit because of it. I miss the dirty dirty conversations and naked pictures we'd send to each other because we were bored. I mean hell, I have seen more poetic penises, boobies and creatively trimmed vaginas to know that artists are superior to the "normals". Hell artists invented porn on cave walls. Yep, our ancestors God love em. Even the crazy fuckers that painted the human on animal porn. He was ahead of his time! Or was he? I don't know. To each it's own or how ever that expression goes. I don't judge people. If a man or woman want's to marry an animal, who am I to say anything.
People have had sex with and even tried to marry inanimate objects. Google it. It's true!
Speaking of weird...
I used to work at this hotel in downtown Jackson. And as I was eating my lunch in the employee break room, the housekeeping staff would tell such amazing stories. And I, being the only white male that worked there I was surprised at some of the stories that they would tell.
I won't go into great detail but these are just some of the many things I heard....
1) Don't hold a baby if you are on your period because the baby will get colic.
2) If your baby does get colic, the mother should tie her dirty panties around the babies wrist for relief
3) If women hang out together for more than a couple hours, all of their cycles will align.
4) You can't get pregnant or contract venereal diseases if you have anal sex.
5) Gay men are called punks.
6)Black men don't like going down on women because they don''t want to be made fun of by their peers.
7) Anal sex is encouraged at all ages.
8) Some of the housekeepers were hookers and only worked their because it was easier than working the street. (Construction crews had nothing but time and lots of money when they are out of town and staying at a hotel.)
One thing about hotels that I have learned over the years is that hotels are like alcohol. You really get to see what's in a person (guest) that their own family doesn't even know.
Real sick fuckers too.
-Like the guest that likes to mark his room with his own feces and urine. Took a month to get the smell out.
-Or the airline pilot that likes to masturbate with his door open in hopes that the housekeeping staff would see him and ask to join. (I guess he watched to many porn movies)
(And pilots love their porn. I can tell you that for a fact. Our porn rental rates always went up when they arrive. Like clockwork, 20 of them would check in and five minutes later 20 porn vids started.)
-Or how the guest will purposely sabotage something in their room to try to get a free stay.
-Or the guest that left us a 50 pound bag of urine. Almost threw my back out trying to throw it in the dumpster.
Another thing you might not know about hotels. Porn. A lot of porn studios and photographers use our rooms as a set, because it's already made to look good and it's a neutral comfortable location for all parties. Plus they don't have to clean up the vaginal secretions, lube and sperm. They leave it for the housekeeping and maintenance staff to clean up . On some occasions I have seen the cameras go in. Later, the screaming "OH GOD!! FUCK ME HARDER" and loud moaning coming from a room. And then, the cameras leaving.
Hint: Always take off those top fancy blankets. They are rarely ever washed. But the sheets are. But some hotels actually wash the duvets which are a good thing. hey are usually white.
Also, if you are scared of bed bugs, you should be. Nasty little fuckers. You can tell if the room is infested by little tiny black marks on the walls that look like someone took an ink pen and dotted the walls with it. Look on the mattress and mattress skirt too. Those little black dots are their poop after a blood meal. Every hotel has had them one time or another. EVERY ONE. But it's just not talked about. Kinda like mice and bugs in restaurants. But that's another story.
I really hate reality TV.
I hate whiny celebrities.
And the one that lie too. "Oh no, my sex tape got out!" Because that's always believable.
I'd have more respect for an actor or actress that does it because they want to.
Or it's actually in the script. Like Chloe Sevigny. I have huge respect for her. Annnd that dude she sucked off.
I hate listening to rich peoples problems.
I hate guests that think they are entitled to everything. YOUR PAYING TO SLEEP ON A BED NOT BUY A SLAVE!!!!
I hate narcissistic people.
I hate superficial people.
I hate corporations.
I hate the media. Like really really really hate the media. All forms. TV, magazine, whatever! I hate the for making us think that we aren't good enough.
Especially for what it's doing to women and little girls. They are perfect exactly the way they are!
They need to stop fucking with our heads.
I'm gonna stop now before I go off on a rant, and just wrap this up with a quote.
"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"
Extra points to anyone who can guess where that's from. Without looking it up!